Healing My Soul
Dear Soul,
This is a story about how I stepped away from the physical practice of yoga (while still practicing yoga) to heal.
You may not have seen me practicing with the community for a while. I took a step away from asana over the last 5 months so that I could focus on healing. At first it wasn’t a conscious decision, I just noticed that I was making myself “busy” and “unavailable” to make it to the classes with the teachers I love at Soul Yoga.
Like many of you, I struggle with depression and anxiety, and I needed help to learn how to cope with these feelings. When I look back over the last 9 months, I can see how depression and anxiety manifested in my life, and how important it was for me to take care of my mind, my body, and my spirit in a way asana alone couldn’t help.
Only I could decide when putting together a team of people to help me made sense. I remember clearly when I reached that point. It was in December of 2021 and I had two anxiety attacks. I had never experienced them before, so they were unsettling and terrifying. In the aftermath of the anxiety attack, my heart broke as I realized I had no coping mechanisms. That is when I recognized that I needed help. It was almost two months later when I reached out to get help.
One of the biggest tips I can give someone going through a tough time is this: be your own advocate. I had medical providers dismiss my experiences, ignore symptoms, and make me feel like it was all in my head. I know what you’re thinking, “Why didn’t you just get new providers?” I wonder that ALL the time! I was taught to respect those who had more education and authority than I did. Besides, don’t doctors all know the same thing?
If you have a doctor who is not listening to your concerns or is dismissing you, ask your friends for recommendations and make the appointment! Keep going until you find the right match! Let me tell you, now that I have new providers who listen to me and are a good fit for ME and my lifestyle, I feel supported, heard, and safe.
My Healing Team was put together intentionally. Here are the members of my Healing Team: Rachael Schultze of Sustainable Nutrition, a new primary care physician, a therapist, a Reiki Master, and my close friends and family.
The most important person on my Healing Team is Rachael Schultze. While she would never call herself a yoga teacher, she has taught me more about AHIMSA (non-harming) and living a LIFE of compassion than anyone in my life. Rachael is a registered dietitian that helped me reject the soul crushing diet culture mentality (which I’ve been living for literally most of my life), and embrace life long habits that have impacted my health in such an amazing way.
With Rachael’s help I have abandoned all diet mentality. Seriously, y’all, I no longer weigh myself, track my food, or label foods as “bad”! I am learning how to be at peace with my body, and learning that IT IS OKAY FOR MY BODY TO CHANGE SHAPE AND SIZE. Some days I’m better at knowing that than others. Progress is rarely linear or perfect.
Through my work with Rachael, I’ve unpacked deeper reasons on why I took steps away from my mat. Now that I’ve unpacked and am organizing my messy baggage, I’m learning to fall in love with movement again! For me, enjoyable movement looks like walking my dog, dancing in my living room, and finding my way back onto my mat. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without her on my Healing Team. The wait to work with her was worth it, and her availability happened with perfect timing.
Intuitive eating and movement was the key to finding myself again. Through this process, I have learned what my body needs to be her healthiest and happiest self. I have come a long way, but I still have a long way to go. Honestly, I can’t wait for the rest of the journey.
See you on the mat!
Lauren Gilmore